Relationships &
Families

Ready to get free of old relationship patterns?

Your relationship feels broken and you don’t know how to fix it. You want respect, love and good communication, but you keep being triggered and reacting in ways that make things worse. All you want is to be loved, and yet you’re stuck in a cycle of resentment, blame, and distancing. You try to talk things through, and you end up fighting and feeling misunderstood and more alone than ever.

You may find yourself having emotional outbursts that you regret or keeping emotions bottled up. Counseling is a safe place to express your feelings, gain perspective, and learn new skills for dealing with challenges in a healthy way. I’m experienced in helping individuals with romantic relationships, marriage, and family relationships.

How individual therapy can help couples

Sometimes relationship problems bring you to therapy but individual therapy is the best approach. What are some reasons?

Your relationship is in trouble but your spouse/partner won’t consider counseling.
You feel dominated or unsafe with your spouse/partner, especially when you try to discuss sensitive issues.
You’re in couples therapy and want to get to the root of triggers that are affecting your reactions to your partner;
You are in relationship with an alcoholic, drug abuser or someone who is violent.

Learn how to:

Change your part in ingrained patterns of conflict;
Accept what you can’t change and change the things you can;
Practice better communication skills;
Set healthy boundaries;
Manage emotions without engaging in hurtful behavior;
Address issues with trust;
Begin to forgive your partner (and yourself) for old wounds.

When you don't have the family you want

Our culture puts family at the center of everything. So it hurts even more when you realize your family is not the happy clan you see on social media. Sometimes a problem is situational and is a matter of adjustment to a transition, finding a solution, or better communication. Other times it can be devastating to realize that you have a dysfunctional family that isn’t invested in changing.

The good news is that you can still have happy and fulfilling relationships, even if your family of origin is disappointing or downright abusive. Work in therapy can help with grieving the loss of the ideal family you don’t have, learning to set boundaries, and communicating effectively.

I often work with people using EMDR therapy to reprocess childhood trauma, as old wounds get in the way of self-esteem and ability to regulate emotions.

Codependency as an adaptation to dysfunction

Codependent relationships originate in dysfunctional families, often ones impacted by alcoholism, addiction or mental illness. When a caregiver is erratic, undependable, or abusive, children live in a chaotic, scary and unpredictable environment.

A common reaction for a child is to try to manage the chaos by taking too much responsibility for others’ reactions. The child thinks, if only I behave a certain way, Mom won’t fly off the handle or Dad won’t drink so much. If only I can do the right thing, I’ll be loved, I won’t be abandoned, or I won’t be punished. This way of acting in relationships takes on a life of its own. It’s a dynamic that drives an anxious attachment style in adulthood.

Codependency is when you believe you need to manage others’ emotional reactions or parts of their lives to achieve a certain outcome. You lose your sense of self because you become so focused on what others are doing or not doing. Often this leads to overdoing, resentment and strained relationships – exactly the opposite of what you want.

Childhood Trauma

I specialize in working with people whose parents had problems that prevented them from adequately protecting their children or providing for their emotional needs. Problems in the home that I frequently work with include:

Current Family Issues

I often work with people who are trying to have better relationships or set boundaries in difficult family situations. My specialities include:

Relationships &Families